The narcissist is not the issue

Do you know what autonomy really means?

Autonomy is the ability to make choices yourself rather than having them made for you by other people.

Autonomy is at the heart of all issues in the therapy room, here are 10 insights you need to know:

  1. When autonomy is compromised, you will experience severe self doubt and have problems making independent / autonomous decisions. This results in you becoming hyper-dependent on others. Narcissistic personalities capitalise on your lack of self belief and use it to their advantage.

  2. Therefore, when you’re gripped by self doubt, it becomes essential to seek external validation. At some level, you’ll unconsciously be seeking permission too.

  3. Ask yourself, what happens when your external validators don’t have your best interest at heart? What happens when you’re encouraged to make decisions in their best interest?

  4. Perpetually seeking external validation and permission leaves you vulnerable to abuse, manipulation and control.

  5. The more you operate from the self doubt / external validation paradigm, the more you’ll unconsciously self sabotage. Naturally, overtime this behaviour becomes entrenched and deep rooted which feeds common ‘mental health’ problems. Essentially, you will lose yourself!!!

  6. When we seek external validation we’re disconnected from our inner wisdom, we don’t trust our gut nor our instincts. My ambition is to reveal this powerful disconnection, so you’ll have a solid understanding of the dynamics at interplay.

  7. Anxiety and depression are all helpful signs that matters have gotten way out of hand and need attention. This process of self awareness is crucial if you want to break toxic cycles and evolve to the next stage of your life journey.

  8. If you struggle with self doubt, you fundamentally need to develop your autonomy by making decisions.

  9. Now, here’s the contradiction. It’s NEVER about the decision, that’s merely the tip of the iceberg. Making a decision is inextricably linked to freewill and this is a superpower you need to access. The ability to decide is essential for authenticity, self expression and unlocking your unique gifts. No one can do it for you.

  10. Now if you’re someone whose consumed by making the RIGHT decision and crippled by worry about all the ways things could go wrong. Then you’ll forever remain stuck and gripped by fear. If that’s the case, get help, schedule a call and let me get my head about your dilemma and explore solutions for a more autonomous, authentic YOU.


If this message resonates, Let me know your thoughts. If you need to talk and are ready to do the inner work, sign up for a free call here.

Take care of yourself, if you don't, who will?

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Keeley Taverner is a well-respected psychotherapist, author and coach. If you have been inspired by this article or would like to interview Keeley for your publications, please do get in touch.