stop researching narcissism!

Incessantly researching narcissism is bad for your health and it’s a massive problem so please, stop researching narcissism. Whether it’s face-to-face, online, or a fact-finding call, constantly researching can result in stuckness, obsession, and if we’re not careful, perpetual victimhood. All of which is not great for your greatness.

Don’t get me wrong, discovering narcissism is life-changing and understanding the latest terms, manipulation tactics, and controlling behaviour can be lifesaving. Saving your sanity and providing much-needed relief. You soon realise your exasperation makes perfect sense. Your efforts to resolve situations were futile. It can be such a sweet victory.


But tread carefully, we can get stuck in the research phase and the healing process becomes thwarted. And it’s not entirely our fault. Those blasted algorithms quickly attune to your interest and your feed is brimming with similar content. The next thing you know, your social media platforms exacerbate the issue by filling your feed with narcissistic content. Then, I actively use those platforms (as best I can) to encourage people to stop researching. 

Often, my sentiments aren’t always welcomed and frustration spills into the comments. 
It can get nasty, but I am up for this important challenge.  

While I fully appreciate its sanity-saving to discover narcissism, we must go beyond it and deepen our insights. This next phase is not for the faint-hearted and not all lollipops, unicorns, and rainbows. This seems rather counterintuitive to the ‘Be positive’ movement of our times. But being perpetually positive is not good for you either, especially if it leads to distortion, avoidance, and perpetual positive reframing.

What I am talking about is flipping the mirror back on the self. The healing journey starts within and requires us to summon up bravery, courage, and commitment. It takes self-enquiry, self-responsibility, and self-inspection. All of these aren’t cosy. Change never is. We must get to a point where what we’re doing is no longer serving us and change becomes the only option. We all have choices and every decision we make creates our reality and establishes our future.

Or we can continue to research narcissism, stay stuck, and become lifelong victims. These are very uncomfortable truths and maybe I am too harsh. But as the old adage goes, “The truth will set you free”. Learning how we unconsciously co-create our misery is vital. Asking self-enquiring questions is essential and becoming curious holds the power to transform lives.

Learning how we unconsciously co-create our misery is vital. Asking self-enquiring questions is essential and becoming curious holds the power to transform lives.

If you’re struggling with a narcissist, here are a few self-enquiring questions to ponder.  

  1. Why do I need to go above and beyond?
  2. Why do I struggle to stand up for myself?
  3. What are my red flag behaviours?

When it comes to the 5 big personality traits, victims of narcissists tend to be agreeable people. Typical characteristics include cooperative, easy-going, helpful, and conflict-avoidant. All of these describe my client base: the empath. Dealing with a narcissist is further complicated if we were unfortunate enough to have a narcissistic parent. The empathic child grows into an adult well-equipped to deal with complicated personalities and it’s the birthplace for our validation-seeking behaviours. It’s a perfect storm. But take heart, my friend, in every adversity is unwelcomed opportunity.  

Beyond narcissism is all about the transformation journey. The principles to set you free are three:

  1. Deepened self-awareness
    Rather than heighten in-depth awareness of others (narcissists), we flip from looking outwards and instead, examine the journey within.
  2. Conscious choice
    The most important catalyst for growth and transformation. Here we break vicious circles, get out of our comfort zones, and take back our energy for the manifestation of an empowered self. 
  3. Action
    Getting out of stagnation zones. Trying something different and expanding our lived experience. Facing fears. Saying yes to our passions and taking baby steps that inspire leaps of faith. Pursuit of an abandoned dream. Activation of latent potential and should you be up for such a quest, I have no idea who you could be, what your life could look like, and that concept is absolutely fascinating. Oh, the possibilities…  

In closing…

Three principles for a personal revolution. Self-awareness. Conscious choice. Action. Many are called. Few are chosen. Ask yourself, “Sameness and stuckness? Or newness, novelty, and active pursuit of your greatest gift?” 

The gift within, your potential awaits you. It never left you. At times, it was a whisper. Sometimes, a shout. Harness adversity for your better you. It’s the ultimate revolutionary power and will equip you to live a good life.

If you’d like to know more about why you should stop researching narcissism, watch the video below…

Looking for support to move forward? Talk to me. Book a FREE exploration call and we can discuss how we can work together. Also, take a moment to browse my current workshops and events.

Keeley Taverner is a well-respected psychotherapist, author and coach. If you have been inspired by this article or would like to interview Keeley for your publications, please do get in touch.