A GOALLESS LIFE

A GOALLESS LIFE (& the existential crisis that might follow)

So you’ve made it, you’ve got the degree, the career, the car, the house and the relationship you’ve always dreamed of. You’ve got a disposable income and you can finally opt for the finer things. You’ve sacrificed long and hard to be where you are, your current reality was once a dream and by virtue of your choices (and sacrifices) you’ve put yourself in a sterling position. Well done you!

You’re climbing the ladder and everyone sees your progress. Mum’s proud, Dad pats you on the back. Yet, true happiness eludes you. You’re a little lost and can’t tell anyone as they’re likely to think you’re incredibly ungrateful. The irony is most of your life has been about pursuing, sacrificing, and delaying gratification. Now, you’ve arrived at your dream destination, the satisfaction was short-lived and it’s the ultimate anti-climax. What was once novel is now normal. Yet you’re baffled – why aren’t you feeling magnificent anymore? Why did that epic punch-the-sky feeling not last so long?

By all accounts and societies standards, you’ve made it. But now there is nothing big to plan for, to strive for or to contemplate upon. You’re not too sure who you are. You should be ‘living your best life’, but joy eludes you. Over time, more sadness creeps in and you’re confused. Where’s the happiness and contentment? What must you do to find inner peace?

All those external pursuits promised so much, yet your top of the range all singing and dancing car doesn’t really do it. When novelty becomes the norm, and relentless pursuit results in humans being becoming human doings, it’s understandable that we struggle with success.

This issue is showing up in the therapy room more and more. I call it, the ‘underbelly of success’. We are increasingly being conditioned to strive, to achieve and to go from one goal to the other. To be better, faster, and more efficient. Both in our personal and professional lives, we are judged, valued and given pay rises based on the outcomes we produce. It’s all a numbers game, stats, algorithms, and trends, coupled with the push to relentlessly achieve. And it’s all very exhausting. At the same time, those very same achievements seldom bring the satisfaction once hoped for. The unintended consequence on our mental health is not great and shows up in the therapy room. Here are a few of my observations:

1. A struggle to simply be and the incessant need to do, do, do.
2. Feeling incredible guilt when we take time out.
3. Feeling worthless when there’s no goal to strive for.
4. An inability to checkout and turn off the ‘smart ’devices.
5. Trouble relaxing coupled with increased anxiety.
6. Pre-occupation and comparison with peers.
7. A constant need to be distracted and/or entertained (thanks Netflix).
8. Difficulty pursuing pursuits for enjoyment, all activities must be ‘productive’.
9. Discontent, feelings of loss and general dissatisfaction with life.
10. Is this it? This conundrum is a sign of disillusionment and feeling like you’ve been missold a dream.
11. An existential crisis is characterised by moments when individuals question whether their lives have meaning, purpose, or value, and are negatively impacted by the contemplation.

If the above speaks to you, then fret not, you’re not alone. It may benefit you to talk to someone as it can be a lonely place and not everyone will get your dilemma. Find ways to express your feelings through talking, dancing, writing or whatever creative pursuit gives you a release.