Why am I a side chick?
So, do you want to know the real reasons you’re always a side chick?!
Firstly, you go for emotionally unavailable men – men who cannot support you or fulfil your needs. So, while in your mind you believe that you do want an open, honest relationship at an unconscious level, you are drawn to those that can’t offer that. And my hypothesis would be that, potentially, those types of relationships keep you safe because it’s familiar pain.
Secondly, the real reason that you’re always the side chick is that you have self-esteem issues. I know that when I have had low self-esteem in the past, my relationships with men reflected that. I had men around me that used me, abused me, and took advantage of my nature. I dated narcissistic men!
As I’ve changed and worked on myself, my self-esteem has increased and, I’ll be frank with you, the quality of individuals around me has also increased but the quantity has gone down. Remember, at times certain men do feel uncomfortable with confident women. If I had a pound for every time somebody said confident women scare men off, I’d be a very rich woman today.
And lastly, the reason that you are often a side chick is that we replicate the pain that we are familiar with in childhood. Does that sound a bit deep? Well, sometimes it needs to happen. This is often related to our ‘daddy’ issues.
Our fathers are the blueprint for our relationships and our intimate relationships in adulthood, and if that relationship was not wholesome, it’s highly likely that you’re baffled about why you keep ending up with Fred, who doesn’t particularly want to commit to you or who keeps you at a distance.
As difficult as it is to hear it said, you probably need to understand what you learned about love from your father. And potentially you need to start to explore that to truly understand what may have gone on and how that has shaped you.
Remember, whether our fathers are in our lives or not, or whether they abandoned us or not, that still shapes the person that we are.