When people use guilt-tripping tactics on you, they are almost always trying to control and manipulate you in order to get their own needs met, with little or no regard for your needs. If this is the case then it is important to remember that it takes two to tango! If you want to break that cycle, it is important that you develop tactics to assist you in doing so. So here’s my advice on how to deal with guilt-trippers, narcs and manipulators
The first tip is that you need to sit with the feelings of guilt that that person has evoked. That’s it, learn to sit with those feelings.
Secondly, be prepared that it will feel very difficult to sit with those uncomfortable feelings of guilt, but that is exactly how people have controlled and manipulated you in the past. It is because that feeling has been so uncomfortable that you’ve conceded and done exactly what they’ve wanted you to do, which is why you have to remain strong in the face of pressure.
If you want to move on and up with your life, and no longer want to be controlled and manipulated, you must accept that you need to sit with the uncomfortableness of that emotion. I would encourage you to jot down notes and be clear about the situations where someone is trying to use guilt tactics on you.
Thirdly, it is also likely that you will feel the urge to give in to those feelings, as often we’ve been guilt-tripped all our life to the extent that it was not noticed in the past. As a result, it became an automatic response, which is why you need to try and become aware of how you react in such situations. We want to slow down our behaviour so we respond from an intelligent place.
Sometimes people need to be told exactly what they’re doing – tell them that they are trying to use guilt-trip tactics on you, name it, and then see what they say. Often people do not like it when you name stuff and usually, they’ll switch it around quickly and try to up the ante with the guilt tactics, ridicule you or seek to undermine you. Understand that this is all a part of the game.
Do not bite back, they are trying to take your power and you need your power to become your greatest self.
You will begin to see how manipulative tactics are used to control you, but remember if you don’t oppose it, and if you don’t behave in the ways that you have always done, people are likely to continue the behaviour. They’re likely to turn the screw because they want you to get back in your box and act in the way that you have in the past, and if they have power over you – perhaps financially – then they may try and exploit that to disempower and manipulate you.
My encouragement to you is to get wise and start to think in considered ways about how you can empower yourself. You may also have to make decisions about limiting your time with those people because if someone’s trying to guilt-tripping tactics, it’s just not good for you.
What next? Work through my books Am I dating a narcissist and Help! I’m dating a narcissist or if you would like to chat about what I’ve discussed here, get in touch by booking a free 15-minute exploration call with me or browse and enrol in one of my events and workshops.